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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 23
13th September, 200'5' 'NEW YORK SLAYINGS ' New York was the scene last night of two anonymous killings. PIinotNoir and Snowy were both shot by unknown assailants while going about their business. Snowy was being attacked in the city when PIinot was made aware of the situation and flew in to aid his friend. He too was shot down soon after. As yet, no reasons for the killings have been released although it is believed they may have been gang related. The Chief Medical Examiner, Dr Crippin stated that PIinot had been in perfect health prior to his death and it had only taken one shot to kill him, although police found another two bullets at the scene of the crime. 'MIAMI GANG TARGETED BY HATE CAMPAIGN ' Hate campaigners and rumourmongers have been targeting the Shadow Soldiers gang who run out of Miami. Following on from their announcement in the streets, several false rumours have been put about claming that the Shadow Soldiers are placing hits etc where this is not in fact the case. Earlier on today a hit was placed and the target was informed that it was courtesy of the Shadow Soldiers, but when the group were questioned, they knew nothing of the hit, the target, or the deceased hit man. It is believed that the hit in question may have connections to the death of Jaketherake, as the accused boss as well as the target both had a hand in the death of this descendant of Tallulah’s accidental killer. In light of this information, the community is advised to check any information regarding questionable deeds that are claimed to be or have been done by the Shadow Soldiers. 'BOO_DIGGINS WINS MR MAFIA TITLE ' Last night saw Boo_Diggins walk off with the title of Mr Mafia as the contest came to a close. The glitzy ceremony was the culmination of over a week of judging rounds and the victory was hard fought with all the judges finding it hard to decide the marks in each round. The evening was slightly marred by the announcement that one of the contestants, MadDog, had been disqualified following bribes and death threats to several members of the judging panel. Mr Dog has threatened to sue the newspaper following a story carried in a previous issue, but his lawyers have not yet been in touch. We believe that Mr Dog has finally accepted that bribery and corruption would not win him the title and that he has backed down. Second and third places in the contest were taken by Randle_McMurphy and FrankWhite respectively with several others winning titles in the rounds. Most of the prizes have remained unclaimed so far. Any winners yet to claim their prizes should contact the Gazette offices. 'CHAOS AT ST. MONEYZEB’S' By: Rhiannon The last two days have been hectic at St.MoneyZeb’s where the patients have run rampant and claimed the entire hospital for their own. Tie Domi is the self proclaimed king, while Duke JohnnieDillinger sits next to him with his spear threatening just about anyone’s life. Both men share the same wife, a blow-up doll named Beatrice, who they say is very sweet and loving. Lexicon has spoke of hiring some new staff for the number of crazies has increased almost double in the last week 'NEW FORMAT FOR NEWSPAPER ' The Mafia Gazette will now be running in a new format with news items through the week and a larger edition on Saturdays with all your favourite comment, cookery and cocktail columns. The editorial team are still on the lookout for new and aspiring writers to help with the day-to-day news items that will be appearing in the paper as well as columns, comment and news items for the Saturday Gazette and anyone wishing to help should apply to the Gazette offices. Writers are still earning money for their time and hard work, and the savings scheme for contributors is still running. We at the Gazette hope this change will in no way mar your enjoyment of the newspaper, and would welcome any feedback to the usual address. 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Trixie ....Yvonne is not crazy at all. She just really has a cat fetish. ....TieDomi and MST are madly in love. They are engaged and have set the date for some time next week. Everyone send their best wishes to them. ....Random_McMurder died today by a strange combination of bleach and Mt. Dew. Tie, the king of Mt. Dew was questioned and when we asked if he did it, he Cackled to show off his Purple mouth and said "Im a Ninja turtle! WHERE ARE MY NUNCHUCKS!?!?" 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. POSITIONS VACANT St.MoneyZeb's for the Mentally Infirm are currently recruiting! Please apply in writing to Dr. Lexicon MFI. GHD. BSE. quoting job reference, clearly stating qualifications, experience and sadistic leanings. SECURITY PERSONNEL Required for main wards, high security wing and, most importantly, drug storage facility Job Ref: APES007 NURSING STAFF Required for general ward duties. Must be good with mentalists, not mind being licked, willing to work inhumane hours for even more inhumane pay. Job Ref: MASOCHIST022 CLEANERS Required for general duty. Will involve dribble removal and considerable window cleaning duties. Job Ref: DROOL666 Closing date for applications: 17 September. Finding Neverland The only bar in NY where the cutest female is under a week old. Thats right folks, Valencia, the amazing Bar baby. Visit us, Maybe you can hold her. Il Martello Stridulo Bar & Grille in Atlanta From the outside, Il Martello Stridulo Bar & Grille in Atlanta may not look like much, but the inside tells another tale completely. Offering a wide variety of drinks and boasting the best help east of the Mississippi, this classy maroon and mahogany treasure serves Atlanta with an open barstool. The warmth of firelight and candle-lit tables are perfect for any occasion. Il Martello Stridulo Bar & Grille is now hiring, and various types of people are needed. If any of this at all interests you, Il Martello Stridulo Bar & Grille in Atlanta is worth at least a visit. Please contact The Punk regarding job positions. Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '' 'REFERENCES''' '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=31 Browse • • • • • • •